Sunday, May 1, 2011

Some Indication of the Message

Pale sunlight
pale the wall.

Love moves away.
The light changes.

I need more grace
than I thought.


It's Sunday morning.  The coffee always seems to taste better on Sunday mornings.  It's May first, which is our anniversary - this year is our 18th. The house is full of flowers - hydrangeas, sunflowers.  We spent some time earlier looking through our honeymoon pictures, our yearly ritual.  We spent 5 weeks in Italy - Rome, Florence, Venice and then the last week was in a small villa on Sardegna that belonged to a friend.  It gets a bit stranger and more surreal every year, looking through these photos.  (I'm going to try and scan a few later today - I have a new printer but haven't tried out its scanning mode yet).  Of course, we look pretty funny.  Young, naive.  My hair was longer, I wore contacts.  We also look blissfully happy, soaking up the sun, the art, the architecture.

Rumi is talking about a spiritual love, but it's true the light changes, we do need more grace.  I need more grace than I thought.  Marriage is like this, too, the constantly changing light.  I think this is real and proper and beautifully and profoundly embraceable.

Rob's next show has been scheduled, confirmed, here in Edmonton at the Douglas Udell Gallery. Having something tangible to work for has reduced the anxiety a little around here.  It's been rather high.   And to be perfectly honest will be until the show is done.  And who knows, it might sky rocket afterwards. But there are always contingency plans.  We always joke about moving to Halifax if the show doesn't sell, but this, or something like this, is not entirely unlikely.

In the meantime, transcendence.  I like what Joseph Campbell has to say about this:  "How does the ordinary person come to the transcendent?  For a start, I would say, study poetry.  Learn how to read a poem.  You need not have the experience to get the message, or at least some indication of the message.  It may come gradually."

I've been reading poetry quite seriously for over 20 years.  Still looking for the indications, the message.  But I can tell you, yes, that if you persist, there is transcendence.  It is worth seeking.  Worth writing.  Worth reading everyday.

I've taken a week off from my job at the stationery shop.  Which means an entire week of uncluttered thoughts and uninterrupted time.  A week to spend thinking about my novel, writing it, roughing out the ending.  My goal is to write to the end by the week's end.  A bit of a lofty goal but I'm not going to worry about how rough it is but am thinking of it as the underpainting.  I have a bit of a fire in my belly because I don't know what's going to happen next for us, or what I might have to do next, or when I will next have an entire week to myself for writing.  It actually feels like I never will.  And so, I will be happy with my week, my glorious week!

And this will be my anthem this week, my mantra, Just breathe.  Just breathe.  Breathe.  And write.

1 comment:

  1. Such a beautiful image, poem and post. Thank you for sharing.


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