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Saturday, June 11, 2011

I was Sleeping and Being Comforted...


"I was sleeping, and being comforted
by a cool breeze, when suddenly a gray dove
from a thicket sang and sobbed with longing,
and reminded me of my own passion.


I had been away from my own soul so long,
so late-sleeping, but that dove's crying
woke me and made me cry.  Praise
to all early-waking grievers!"  

~Rumi



I've mentioned before, feathers find me.  Feathers find those who wait for them.  I had been away from my own soul so long...How to be awake?

I'm trying to be quiet now, to wait, to be awake.  There is so much work to do, so many interruptions, distractions.

In one week from now, Rob's show.  However it goes, it will be a relief to know, so that we can go on and plan.  I'm not good at living in limbo, though I think I'm an okay planner, problem solver.  My stomach has been aching for days now - stress.  It seems bizarre to me some days that R. can paint at the level he does, that still there is this insane aching always worry in our lives.  And this quiet knowledge that it's always going to be this way.  And the thing is I don't want to live any differently.  I guess at least this is real. It's just that it's more fun to read the biographies of tortured artists who live from painting to painting (not the same as pay cheque to pay cheque).  At least when you read the biographies it's because the person made it somehow, at least someone cared enough about their art to write a book about them.

Even though I'm stressed and headachey and feel like tossing up when I think about things too much, I feel like I'm also bursting with ideas.  So many things I want to write, to say, to make.

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