Friday, March 8, 2013

winter light eases into spring light

Beginning of November

by Franz Wright

The light is winter light.
You’ve already felt it
before you can open your eyes,
and now it’s too late
to prepare yourself
for this gray originless
sorrow that’s filling the room. It’s not winter. The light
is. The light is
winter light,
and you’re alone.
At last you get up:
and suddenly notice you’re holding
your body without the heart
to curse its lonely life, it’s suffering
from cold and from the winter
light that fills the room
like fear. And all at once you hug it tight,
the way you might hug
somebody you hate,
if he came to you in tears.

Oh, what a poem that is! After I read it I decided I needed to read more FW, know more about him. (So many poets in the world, right...). Of course he's a very well known poet, and was in the book news not long ago because of all this.  So there I was this morning, thinking about the winter light, and the ending of that poem, what a beautifully startling image. The way it makes you cringe and soften and the way it makes you remember how you walk into the cold sharpness of a winter morning at the beginning of the season. And then just imagining hugging someone you dislike, their crying. All the bitterness, but still, some sort of impossible opening up inside you. 

And then I was taken away into the whole MFA programs are rubbish arguments. Which erupt from time to time in various places - it's not just FW who gets drawn into them. 

The article notes that his Facebook account has been deleted, that he's had difficulties with addictions. How difficult the world is to navigate, and then when you throw Facebook in there - it becomes even stranger, potentially. Some days the noise of it is wonderful, and other days, all of the hates and loves and babies being born, the arguments with the world and MFA programs, and deaths, and struggles and joys and rejections, acceptances, pretty flowers, unfocused objects, grief, beautiful joy, great art, petty grievances, wonderful parties, dejection, loneliness, birds, smiley faces, horses, houses, sarcasm, event invitations from faraway cities, poetry, politics, shameless self-promotion, tentativeness, music, awards, cats, announcements, denouncements, provocations, grand statements, advertisements, simple observations, lovely supportive comments, stern warnings, silences, silencing, photos of leaves and snow and blossoms, can overwhelm. 

So anyway, there I was thinking about the light of March, and off on a tangent I went.... 

A very light frost this morning which has already been burned off the trees. But it was lovely this morning with that soft blue and baby pink sunrise while we had breakfast. And how it feels like winter is getting ready to leave my body, at least I hope so. I feel like I've been tense all winter, which started in October this year, the snow did anyway. And the snow is four feet high on my front yard, so it will be here for some time to come. But one feels as though the winter light does slowly ease into spring light....

I've felt like a crumpled up piece of paper this winter. I un-crumple myself when I go off to work, or wherever, smooth myself out as much as possible. But somehow, when I return home, I revert. 

Meanwhile, the health food kick. The attempt. 

Random photos. Banana yogurt smoothies with cocoa. Tomato soup with kale pesto. 

1 comment:

  1. Wow. Lots of stunning moments in this post, Shawna.


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